Blockage

I wish I could just put my artistic skills to use with my card making & other crafts.  I think the blockage comes from my lack of creativity.  Damn it that I have the craftsmanship but not the ability to express it in a productive, coherent way. 

This is how I feel about this:

In the Corner of My Life

Only one life to live, how shall I live it?  I wish the question was "how do I WANT to live it?"

I want to be humble and make the best of everything God gives me, but so often do I find myself yearning for more - Nice Things, fancy modern house, with all the trimmings & personal touches. I don't know if it is with envy that I look at other people's things.  I hope not.  I believe it is just a sense of wanting to make my own life better - not so much an "I wish I had their things, I hate them for having it when I don't" ... I don't know, I see that a lot in movies where the villain's motive is driven by jealousy & consuming envy.  (This is where Hubby will come in to say, "You watch too much TV." - which, might I concur, is indefinitely true).

I will always hope for a day when I have my own craft room, with wood-framed window sills, designer layout, & decorations.  A day when I'd have time for all the craft projects that have piled up in the craft corner, the stench of forgotten passion & vigor cloaking them like a veil of cobwebs. One day, this one life shall be lived.

Until then, here are a few examples of my dream room:

Something like this only less dark...

Something like these pictures only not so bright & antique looking:

The shade of blue on this wall & peg board is the exact color I'd like my craft room to be:

Overall, I'm really drawn to the style of this blogger's home:

I love the atmosphere created by the lighting in this first picture. I would love to live in a house with a similar design - wooden door/window frames, lots of space & sitting places (i.e. couch), hardwood floors.

The wall color in the second picture is not my cup of tea, but everything else is just as I'd like my corner to be (minus what looks like a wooden closet to the right of the chair). Quaint.

Twisted

I am so twisted now. I was reading an article in my textbook about the problems created by our government paying for old people through the Social Security system.  When the article started mentioning the only way to fix the problems are... a thought popped into my mind before I could finish the sentence: kill off the old people.  Then we won't have to worry about the lack of tax money to pay for their living expenses.  

It took a few seconds but that was then I realized my thought process is not normal, healthy psychological behavior. It's not normal to solve problems by killing people off.  It's not normal that I reacted so quickly with such a heartless, malicious solution. I will get help.

Who me? Who knows?

How can one person be so different at one time and another?  It is as if I lose all of my convictions right after they've inspired me to change my life.  I remember feeling so empowered.  I still can sense that feeling.  Yet I am not that way anymore.  I am a worm now.  A chicken.  A sloth.  There was moment when I was a fighter, a woman with a mission.  I don't know where she went.  I'm all alone now with this person I loath.

Runny Noses

Only about 8 days to go and I'm sick! Once my nose started running, I did nothing but drink water and go #2. That had always prevented me from completely coming down with a cold. I guess that didn't work this time. However, I am still at it with the water because the faster I recover the better!