Twisted

I am so twisted now. I was reading an article in my textbook about the problems created by our government paying for old people through the Social Security system.  When the article started mentioning the only way to fix the problems are... a thought popped into my mind before I could finish the sentence: kill off the old people.  Then we won't have to worry about the lack of tax money to pay for their living expenses.  

It took a few seconds but that was then I realized my thought process is not normal, healthy psychological behavior. It's not normal to solve problems by killing people off.  It's not normal that I reacted so quickly with such a heartless, malicious solution. I will get help.

Who me? Who knows?

How can one person be so different at one time and another?  It is as if I lose all of my convictions right after they've inspired me to change my life.  I remember feeling so empowered.  I still can sense that feeling.  Yet I am not that way anymore.  I am a worm now.  A chicken.  A sloth.  There was moment when I was a fighter, a woman with a mission.  I don't know where she went.  I'm all alone now with this person I loath.

Early Bird?

The early bird gets to study... that's what I say.

It is 4:30 AM as I muster my energy and consciousness in order to get up and study.  Changing and feeding the baby helped a bit with getting me out of sleep mode, but I still find myself nodding off every few minutes.  So I decided to do a little blogging to completely wake my senses.   

Back To School

I'm back in school. So far I'm two weeks into the semester and already well behind in my classes. I can't seem to get out of my pregnancy & post school habits: eating too much, not doing much work, and sleeping irregular hours. I'm worried I won't past my classes. Side note: my Calculus professor does not allow calculator on his test... I don't know how I'm going to survive. I pray to God to have to will power to get my act together.

And I miss Baby so much when I'm at school. When I get home, all I want to do is spend time with her! Thank goodness her daddy is watching her for me to attend class.

It's a week from Valentine's Day... what special thing can I get my Hubby to show him how I feel? not how I feel right now, but how I usually feel anyways. This morning we got into a silent argument. I don't understand why he needs "a few minutes" every time it is time to get up. I asked him so nicely to explain it to me so I could be more understanding. But he just glared at me. gave me this look of hatred & annoyance. ok... gotta get to class. This is Chi signing out!